Acne Explained

My Face: Hey, boss?

Me: Hmm?

Face: Hey, I got those notes you sent about appearances for the new month, and I was wondering if you'd be open to some suggestions.

Me: Well, I suppose I could think about it. What did you have in mind?

Face: Well, first of all, I can't get rid of the bags under the eyes. We're under contract with Insomnia and Electronic Media. I could try to soak up a little sunlight, go a little tanner, you know- reduce the contrast a little.

Me: *sigh* Fair enough. What else?

Face: Well, you said you'd like to go for smooth, consistently-colored skin again, and I was just thinking... isn't that a little boring?

Me: What do you mean?

Face: Well, think about it! Everybody wants skin like that, and so many people either have it or use makeup to make it look that way. Why don't we try something a little different?

Me: No.

Face: Hear me out! It would be a bit modern, a little abstract- We can get some red shading in places, and then we'll go for a 3-D effect with some pink, and red, and- just wait, you're going to love this- WHITE!

Me: NO!

Face: No, it'll be okay! I'll sprinkle some little dark spots around your nose, chin, and forehead. I think it'll really enrich the color palette.

Me: NO, NO, NO, NO. NO PIMPLES. NO BLACKHEADS. NO WHITEHEADS. THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE!

Face: ...

Face: ...but I already ordered the pimples...